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trinity_destlerI honestly can't tell any more if I'm just writing total garbage or not. I'm staring at it going is this disjointed and abrupt? Am I completely falling into tropes I didn't mean to fall into? Is any of this even in character? Have I forgotten everything I wrote before and jfdkjflsadjfklsjlkdjls
I also don't know if my story is actually repetitive or if I'm being paranoid. This one thing keeps coming up and maybe it's repetitive? fjdskjldjk
It doesn't help that I run into assholes shitting all over the basic idea of both my ship and my characterisation, and honestly they are objectively, factually wrong in my context but I still have that terror that they're right. This is like my One Ring of OCD/anxiety nonsense. Everything comes back to this. I don't want to invest and take a stand believing something only to be publicly and humiliatingly wrong.
I have zero faith in myself and I got chastised a bit by a reviewer for having zero faith in myself. I promise I'm not posturing for attention, I just genuinely have no idea whether my judgement is shot at this point. I haven't slept and my brain's not working and the perfectionism is like the Nothing swallowing everything fjkdsjfldjks
And then I always shove out not-ready chapters that I have to edit pretty extensively later because I can't bear to look at it another second, so the idea that I'm a perfectionist is counter intuitive. People who print it out as they go are reading a SHITTY SHITTY version and this kills me.
I don't know what I'm doing up in this ending. Like, there's one character + fallout thing I somehow never thought about even though I thought about that character otherwise. I don't want to deal with this. There's so many cans of worms I have to clean up and I can't imagine how I'm going to cover it all and get this fucker done.
.
.
I also don't know if my story is actually repetitive or if I'm being paranoid. This one thing keeps coming up and maybe it's repetitive? fjdskjldjk
It doesn't help that I run into assholes shitting all over the basic idea of both my ship and my characterisation, and honestly they are objectively, factually wrong in my context but I still have that terror that they're right. This is like my One Ring of OCD/anxiety nonsense. Everything comes back to this. I don't want to invest and take a stand believing something only to be publicly and humiliatingly wrong.
I have zero faith in myself and I got chastised a bit by a reviewer for having zero faith in myself. I promise I'm not posturing for attention, I just genuinely have no idea whether my judgement is shot at this point. I haven't slept and my brain's not working and the perfectionism is like the Nothing swallowing everything fjkdsjfldjks
And then I always shove out not-ready chapters that I have to edit pretty extensively later because I can't bear to look at it another second, so the idea that I'm a perfectionist is counter intuitive. People who print it out as they go are reading a SHITTY SHITTY version and this kills me.
I don't know what I'm doing up in this ending. Like, there's one character + fallout thing I somehow never thought about even though I thought about that character otherwise. I don't want to deal with this. There's so many cans of worms I have to clean up and I can't imagine how I'm going to cover it all and get this fucker done.
.
.
